Monday, 11 May

The recruitment agent replied to me: I am overqualified for the 3-month contract. But! He has 2 other roles for me. Both permanent, both exactly what I used to do. Both offer exceptionally good money. And I spiral. I look at my dwindling funds, at my ‘no prospects’ situation and at the salaries they are offering. I agonise over the decision, imagine how good it would be to earn, how padded life would feel. I read the job descriptions and already feel the soul leaking out of me, but the money…

I am so befuddled, I call my husband. He talks some sense into me. He says he gives me 2 months before I am right where I was when I quit my last job. That special little place, where I am disengaged from anything and everything, where I am so tight that my skin cracks and strange fumes emanate from the cracks.

So, we pray. And I decline the offer. Respectfully. I explain what I am after in hopes the agent has something for me. He responds with one line: “will keep you in mind”. He already moved on.

I go for a nap, wake up and feel like a complete idiot.

The search continues.